Lesbian Family Planning 101: How To Make It Work?
Lesbian couples tend to have smaller, more intentional families than their heterosexual counterparts. And for a good reason: Planning for kids as a lesbian couple is a bit more involved than buying condoms and crossing your fingers. In this article, you'll learn about family planning as a lesbian couple. We'll discuss the different ways to start a family as a lesbian couple and the pros and cons of each one. You'll also read about adoption, surrogacy, sperm donation, artificial insemination, and other methods of having kids with your partner. Read on to get started on the road to parenthood!
Deciding Whether to Have Children
Before planning for children, you must decide if you and your partner want them. You may have a biological clock ticking away, but your partner may need to be on the same page.
You need to discuss your feelings and come to a resolution before starting a family. You want to avoid getting to the fertility clinic and finding that you and your partner disagree on what to do next. Even if you and your partner are both excited to start a family, you'll find that things are more challenging than they are for straight couples. You'll need to put in a little more legwork to make things happen.
Adoption: An Option For Lesbian Couples?
Although adoption is often thought of as a process reserved for heterosexual couples, there are many reasons why lesbian couples may want to consider adoption. Many adoption agencies welcome same-sex couples.
The adoption process for lesbian couples may seem intimidating. Still, it can enrich the experience with the right resources and support. To start the adoption process, you will likely need to go through some background checks, such as a criminal record check and a health screening. You will also need to decide what type of adoption process you want to go through: domestic or international.
Most agencies have a process that starts with a profile, where you write about your family and your reasons for wanting to adopt. Many agencies will have a waiting period between submitting a profile and being approved to be matched with a child.
Pregnant Together: Co-Parenting and IVF
You must get creative if you both want children and are in a committed lesbian relationship. There could be many reasons why you or your partner may not be able to conceive or have a complication. For this reason, many lesbians choose to get pregnant simultaneously. This is called "co-parenting" or "simultaneous conception," and it's one of the easiest ways for lesbian couples to have kids.
You may have seen this in pop culture: Two women who want kids get pregnant at the same time and have the babies at the same time. In real life, things are more challenging. If you want to get pregnant with your partner simultaneously, you'll need to plan for it. You'll need to chart your ovulation cycles, and your partner will need to chart her menstrual cycles.
You'll both need to avoid condoms and other forms of contraception, and you'll both need to get tested for STDs. Once you've ovulated and your cycles are around the same length, you can choose IVF or go for unprotected sex to increase your chances of getting pregnant. If you get pregnant, you and your partner will likely find out simultaneously.
Denying a Partner Reproductive Rights via Contract
If you want a child together, but you and your partner have difficulty agreeing on anything, you may want to consider drawing up a contract. A contract is a legal document that lays out your relationship and the terms of your co-parenting.
The contract can specify what percentage of time each of you will have with the child. It can also determine the amount of child support you'll pay if one of you is a stay-at-home parent or the amount of child support your partner will pay if you're the one with the 9-5 job.
The contract can also lay out your reproductive rights. You can specify which partner will be the biological parent and decide which partner will be the legal parent. You can even leave the choice up to a judge: Some courts will sign off on a "judge's order" that names the non-biological parent as the legal parent.
Co-Parenting With an Egg Donor
You may use a donor egg if you cannot conceive or want to guarantee that you and your partner are biologically connected to the child. You can find egg donation clinics in your area with a quick internet search. You'll have to provide your medical history and bloodwork, and you'll have to turn over a hefty chunk of change: Egg donation can cost upward of $30,000.
Once you've selected a donor, you'll need to freeze your eggs. This process can take a few weeks. Doctors will give you a quick injection to knock you out while they freeze your eggs. Once your eggs are frozen, you and your partner must find an egg donor and a surrogate womb.
Surrogacy: How Does It Work?
Surrogacy is an increasingly common method of starting a family for lesbian couples. Many couples choose surrogacy because of the difficulties inherent in other forms of starting a family. For example, you may have a health issue that makes pregnancy dangerous, or you may be over forty and worried about pregnancy's effects on your body.
Surrogacy can also help you avoid the lengthy and expensive process of finding an egg donor and a surrogate. Surrogacy is an excellent option if you're unsure if you're ready to be a parent if you want to experience pregnancy. Still, your partner can't or doesn't want to, or if you want biological children but are worried that it won't happen naturally.
Sperm Donation for Lesbian Couples
Sperm donation is a lot like egg donation. You can either use an anonymous sperm donor or get sperm from a known donor. You'll have to submit to medical tests, and you'll have to pay a hefty clinic fee for obtaining the chosen sperm.
Artificial Insemination for Lesbian Couples
The clinical insemination procedure for lesbian couples is the same as for heterosexual couples or single females. In the case of lesbian couples, they can choose who will have the child.
Intrauterine insemination is performed immediately before ovulation: a tiny catheter is used to transfer donor sperm into the uterus and arrange it as close to the egg as possible, boosting the chances of fertilization. The most significant advantage of IUI (Intrauterine insemination) for lesbian couples is that they can select which partner will carry the pregnancy. Although each couple is free to choose, the one with the best fertility is often inseminated to enhance the chances of pregnancy.
Aside from that, the success rates of lesbian insemination are the same as those of IUI with donor sperm. They are determined by the woman being inseminated's reproductive status, which is mainly determined by her age.
Other factors influencing IUI success include endometrial thickness and the ovarian stimulation technique. Keeping this in mind, the success rates of AI are 16-20% on the first try, increasing to 31-35% on the fourth attempt.
Conclusion
Finally, you can start thinking about your next steps in family planning. You'll want to start picking out baby names and buying baby gear as soon as you're pregnant. You'll want to start planning immediately if you use in vitro fertilization or surrogacy. You can take many paths to start a family as a lesbian couple, and you can make them work for you.
