Relationship Issues For Gay Couples: How to Overcome Them?
Every relationship has ups and downs, but for gay couples, those downs can be particularly challenging. Coming out and being open about your sexuality is a big step; it opens you up to judgment from others and forces you to confront internal and external conflicts. In a society where same-sex relationships are still not widely accepted or understood, coming out as gay can be an isolating experience. Couple that with the stress of negotiating dating complexities while balancing expectations from family, friends, and other loved ones. You have a perfect storm of relationship troubles ahead of you.
Fortunately, most issues can be resolved with communication and trust. Gay couples face similar challenges as straight couples – the only differences arise in how we tackle them. Here are some common challenges faced by almost all gay couples:
Trust Issues
Trust is key to a successful relationship – gay or straight. If you don't trust your partner, it can be tough to work through other problems. When you first come out, you may have to watch every word you say and every move you make. You may have had to conceal your sexuality for years before coming out, and now you need to learn to adjust to a new way of being in the world.
Gay couples who have been together for a long time may have inherited that level of distrust that is common in any relationship. Being honest about your motivations, emotions, and future intentions is the best way to strengthen your relationship and gain each other's trust. Try to avoid keeping secrets or having hidden desires or fantasies. You don't have to act on everything you think or feel, but you should be open and honest with your partner.
Infidelity
Cheating is always a risk in relationships, but gay couples seem more affected than straight couples. This may be caused by internalized stigma and shame around being in a same-sex relationship, or it could reflect gay couples' challenges in dating. It takes a lot of emotional agonies to get someone in a committed relationship to consider having an affair.
It's unlikely that you'll be able to fix your current relationship. You and your partner will likely be dealing with several issues in your relationship, including trust, differences in sexual desire, communication, and respect. Fixing these issues is impossible if you're already thinking about cheating on them. You may feel like your sexuality is a barrier to you having a fulfilling relationship. If you're feeling this way, you must consider overcoming those feelings.
Communication problems
Communication is the foundation of any relationship, gay or straight. There are a couple of things to look out for, though. Gay couples often face difficulty in communicating their desires to each other. For example, if one partner is bottoming, it might be hard for them to discuss what they like and prefer without shame creeping in.
Similarly, if you're bottoming, you may be afraid of being too verbal. You should always feel comfortable speaking up and letting your partner know what feels good and doesn't. All couples have different sexual needs and desires, and it's essential that each person feels comfortable expressing them.
Sexual issues
Many LGBTQ persons may put off exploring their sex and sexuality since society discourages them from following their instincts. LGBTQ people may also face the milestones of dating and forming relationships at a later age than their non-LGBTQ counterparts, without the social and family support or developmental modeling that their non-LGBTQ contemporaries got.
Traditional developmental rituals such as proms and the support of adolescent peer groups are examples of this. LGBTQ people trying to learn how to develop relationships may even be thwarted by family members who refuse to recognize their LGBTQ status and reject their partnerships.
Until recently, LGBTQ persons also lacked good role models for sexual activity. A young gay man may only see intimate scenes between two men in pornography. Until 1991, the act of people of the same sex kissing, hugging, or holding hands was rarely shown in the media in the United States. Even today, depictions of homosexual and lesbian intimacy in the media are frequently utilized for humorous effect or to perpetuate erroneous stereotypes. They carry a weight of shame.
The guilt associated with sex can cause emotional and physical intimacy issues in LGBTQ partnerships. Whereas many heterosexual people blame sex issues on everyday circumstances, LGBTQ people may blame their identity. They may assume that their sex-related troubles are caused by their LGBTQ status rather than general relational problems.
The lack of healthy sex role models leaves LGBTQ people with a blank canvas to discover what they find sexually appealing about their bodies and partners. Clinicians who work with individuals and couples with their sex lives may find a sex-positive approach effective in assisting patients in enjoying that area of their life.
Mental health providers must be prepared to discuss sex in the context of LGBTQ partnerships. LGBTQ couples may require specialist sex therapy counseling. Although there are numerous books and articles on sex therapy, only a few are dedicated to the needs of LGBTQ persons. LGBTQ people and couples with sexual issues can learn to have positive sexual relationships and techniques that will deepen those relationships with expert guidance.
Internalized homophobia and stigma
You may face stigma from your partner or yourself. If one partner constantly criticizes your appearance, lifestyle, or choices, it can create a toxic environment that leads to self-destructive behavior. Stigma can also come from within. If you constantly feel shame about your sexuality, it can be tough to be happy in your relationship.
If your relationship has become toxic, you must speak up and let your partner know. If you're experiencing stigma from within, you can try to identify and overcome it. You can do this by talking to friends, reading articles, and surrounding yourself with positive, gay-affirming thoughts.
Your partner is still in the closet
If one partner is still in the closet, or if one partner has just come out, it can be very confusing. You're facing a lot of challenges as a newly out gay couple and may not know how to deal with the pressure. You may feel like you're dating a lie if your spouse is still hiding their sexual orientation from the world. It's possible that your partner would like to be honest with you but is hampered by social norms.
Dealing with your partner's internalized shame as they learn to accept their new identity after coming out can be challenging. Like all others in a relationship, the key to fixing these issues is talking about them.
Your relationship is still growing
No relationship is static, gay or straight. We are constantly growing and changing, and so are our relationships. After being in a relationship for a long time, you've already passed the honeymoon phase – and that's okay. Many gay relationships go through a honeymoon phase while one partner is still closeted.
Once they come out, their relationship may have to go through a different growth period. Your relationship is constantly growing and changing and will always be a work in progress. Talk to your partner about what you both want from your relationship and how you see it growing.
Conclusion
The challenges of being in a gay relationship can be significant. Fortunately, most of these challenges are tackled in the same way as straight relationships. It's important to remember that all relationships require work. With patience, love, and communication, gay couples can thrive. As you develop your relationship, you'll face various issues and challenges.
To be in a happy, healthy relationship, it's essential to learn how to address these issues. If you're in a new relationship, subscribe to our blog gaycommunity.com to learn more about gay relationships, identifying the red flags that indicate a problem is developing, gay dating, fashion, and more.
